Real Salt Lake (A Rant)

Well, I love going to Rice Eccles Stadium to watch Real Salt Lake play on a warm spring night. It's great to watch the setting sun casting its golden light on the mountains and the full moon rising. I was grateful for the scenery, because there was NOTHING happening on the field. [Cue silence, with faint chirping of crickets.] How hard is it to find a goal-keeper who pays attention? Why is our new star, Freddy Adu, hanging out waaaaay over in the wings, when he's supposed to be a striker? How much are we chipping in to build them a new stadium? Oh, yeah, $35,000,000. From the beginning, Colorado dominated the middle of the field, and RSL played down the sidelines. Humiliating 0-2 loss; but don't worry, guys, no one saw, because there was almost nobody there. [Cue faint, scattered applause.] An RSL funcionary approached us to ask our opinion of the Monday night matches - management thinks more Mormons will come to watch the team on Mondays, sice its Family Home Evening. We pointed out to him that, on Family Home Evening, they stay HOME (And watch the Jazz on TV). You can tell the Real management is from out of town.

The best part of the evening was 5-year-old son Nathan. He is all about nonsequiturs these days, quoting random lines from movies. For the last few days, he's been saying, "Turn on your lights, you moron!" (That's from "Cars") to everyone, so we had the big "'moron' is not a nice name" lecture, and I told him to cut it out. Naturally, every time the people behind us at the match last night shouted it, he turned to me and gave me a naughty look. At any rate, he's moved on to another line, from "Robots" this time. He was in the bouncy castle at the pre-game carnival, running and slamming himself into the corners as hard as he could, yelling "Tastes like chicken!! Tastes like chicken!!"