Has the world been exceptionally rough on me the last few days, or is it PMS? If it is the PMS talking, wanna hear what it's saying (beneath the veneer of my usual genteel diplomacy)?
(Look out. I'm going to say naughty words.)
To the State Commissioner of Adult Education
What I said:
"Some of the program directors have expressed concern about one of the policies. This is policy 13.5.9, I believe. If the policy as stated is accurate, it is alarming and needs to be dealt with immediately. Please have a look at it. If you stand by it, I would like to request that we put it on the agenda for the next meeting of the Adult Education Consortium. "
Unfiltered PMS version:
"WTF!!! Were you smoking weed or something when you wrote that policy? Yeah, I'm talking about thirteen POINT five POINT nine. You had better say this was some sort of typo, Honey, or I'm bringing out the big guns at the next Consortium meeting! No way are you getting away with this. I'll take this all the way to Washington if I have to!"
To the Director of My Children's Daycare
What I said:
"Hi! Good morning, Heather! Thanks so much for answering my call! Yes, I'm wondering if we could schedule a few minutes to talk about that note I received in my folder yesterday? Yes, the one about the need to update everyone's initial security deposits? Uh-huh...yes! That would be wonderful. I'll see you then. Bye-eee! "
Unfiltered PMS version:
"You have got to be kidding me. You want to charge a security deposit? $222? What, does the owner of the daycare need to make her next yacht payment or something? We have written you a check for more than $200, without fail, on time and in full every goddamn week FOR THE LAST SEVEN YEARS! Yeah, since you were about twelve. This is a scam and we're not paying it. If you want to kick us out, fine. Good luck finding another customer as reliable as we are. And I'll make sure to tell all my friends that you're' a bunch of CHISELERS!"
To the US Government
Unfiltered PMS version:
"Know what? "E-Verify" SUCKS! Those ladies are doing a great job. Some of the best childcare providers I've ever had on my staff. They even plan lots of fun, developmentally appropriate activities for the kids. It took me forever to find them. No one else wants this job. Do you realize that people are NOT mining up for the privilege of a little four-hour-a-week babysitting gig. You expect me to FIRE them? I'm supposed to be an advocate, not a f***ing gatekeeper."
But, no... We must handle the matter delicately.
"I see that the social security numbers for two of my new childcare workers have been returned to us via "E-Verify" as non-matches. Thank you for that information. I will terminate their employment without delay. And may God continue to bless America."
10 comments:
Love it! Serious issues but a funny post!
I often find myself being nice and polite and diplomatic, then I think "why didn't I just cut the crap and tell it as it is!"
Wow, Kate. While I appreciate the doubtlessly more effective diplomatic Kate, I LOVE the PMS Kate. I hate when my mouth has to say something polite to some asshat or other when my brain is screaming, "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND????"
God, I am never the nice polite Maria. And I am way over my PMS years and well into menopause.
I think I might just be a major bitch.
Okay, you are going to share what the policy is, right?
Oh how I completely relate to this post. I hate the energy it takes to be polite and diplomatic, all the while silencing the bitchy voice in my head that would probably be more productive anyway.
Also, I was a child care director for...well, never mind for how long because I am feeling old enough as it is today! Anyway, what is a "security deposit"? And why is it being charged after you have already been in the program for several years?
"...since you were about TWELVE"
HA!!
That is SUCH a scam.
You go, girl!
This is just a test to see if my picture worked.
Sorry! :)
Kate - I'm making my blog private so I can actually write in it without Michael knowing my every thought. If you want me to send you an invite, just email me at poetraquel@yahoo.com.
Oh, Elizabeth, It's a policy that would bore even the most rarified wonk to tears.
Amen. That's all I have to say. The damn bureaucrats that deal in bullshit and have no idea about the lives of REAL fucking people are the true evil in this world. I hear you. Loud and Clear.
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