Dear Dumb, Dim, Damn, Doomed Diary

No, actually, Sara, I still make the rules. Any questions?

I am at the end of my rope with Sara's diary. Now, I thoroughly support journaling. Sara comes from a long line of diarists, and it's important for a kid her age to have a place to vent. I also thoroughly condemn reading other people's diaries. My mom read mine if she found them- figured she had the right to know. It used to make me crazy, and she STILL brings up the things she read sometimes. But this has brought me to the edge of reason.

Here's how it goes:

• Sara takes out the diary and a bright pink gel pen with a fuzzy thing on the end of it. After recording her neon unbosomings, she locks it up and checks to see whether her little brother is watching. Of course he is. Little brothers have a sixth sense when it comes to sisters' diaries.
• Sara makes a point of telling me that the special secret lock on her diary isn't even the diary's TRUE lock. There's a special trick to opening it, according to her. Nathan listening? Yes, he is. I warn her that she really ought to put up fewer billboards about the damn thing if she wants it to stay private.
• Nathan makes a full frontal assault on her room and comes out squealing with victory. Little Brother Coup #198: Dairy has been STOLEN. Naturally, this is followed by pinching of pressure points, smacking and head butting.
• I retrieve the diary from the scrum and tell Sara to find a hiding place for it. I point out to her that, every time she talks about it, she is throwing chum into shark-infested waters.
• "Oh, Naaaaaathaaaaannnn! I have a new hiding place for my diiiiiiiaryyyyyy.... Somewhere you'll never find it!"
• Guess what? He found it. Opened it. Read it. Only the first entry, of course. The point isn't actually to learn the secrets of his sister's heart; it is to let her know that he answers her challenge and ups the ante.
• Return to earlier bullet point on pressure points, head butts, etc...
• Now the diary has a new hiding place. "Mom. Please. Just tell me where you put it." "No diary for 24 hours." Mom, I need to write in it every day." "Write on a separate piece of paper and tape it in the diary tomorrow." "I'll bet I could find it if I looked for it." "I'll bet you could too, but you're not going to look for it."

I was in a hurry, so I didn't really hide it much. I just put it in my bed. Like, under the covers. She would never dream of taking my bed apart. I'll give it back tomorrow with another admonishment: just put it away, take it out quietly without the fanfare, write in it and put it away again. You're making this way too fun for Nathan.

Anne Frank did not have these problems, I'm sure. Only because she didn't have a little brother.