Snow Again

My friends and relations in Wisconsin are starting to irritate me. I can see that it is lovely and warm there. They don't need to rub it in with all the Facebook posts about camping and whether or not it is time to turn on the air conditioning.

In Salt Lake, we woke up to snow. Not just a dusting. A significant, branch-breaking, foot-soaking, tomato-killing accumulation.

Think of the money we are saving by not turning on the sprinklers, yet! Shit. Who cares? We're still running the furnace.

I headed out to work in a less-than-fabulous mood. I had dug out a pair of closed-toed shoes, but the slush was coming in over the tops of them as I walked around the truck, brushing off the windows. Where is the desert I know and love? If I wanted Greenland, I would move to Greenland.

By the time I get all the way around the truck, my feet are wet and cold. Forget the windshield. The wipers will get it. I clamber in and start the wipers. S-L-O-W-L-Y the wipers inch their way along about half of their arc, then crunch to a stop. "Sorry. Too heavy." [Sigh.] I don't WANT to get out in the snow again, which has fallen down my collar already and made my back all wet. I stare at the wipers, willing them to prevail. "C'mon! You can do it!" I can hear the little motor though, which is getting pissed off.

Alright, already! But I am NOT getting out. I open the driver's side window, sending a shower of fresh snow into my lap. Holding the brush/scraper at an awkward angle, I reach the scraper out and around and start trying to help the windshield wipers. This doesn't really work; only sends more snow toppling into the car.

Yes, don't bother pointing out to me that I am wetter at this point than if I had climbed out of the car and done the job properly. I don't want to hear that.

Finally, my scraper hits the sweet spot. I push enough snow around that the wiper is able to function properly, at which time, it sends about a cubic foot of snow off the windshield at a perfect angle to slide down the shaft of the scraper and fall onto the seat next to me, soaking my ass and making my day.