Cereal Killer

I adore cereal and would eat it at every meal if I didn't have such iron will-power.

NOT! Despite the fact that I am pledged to taking better care of myself as part of the sadness mitigation plan, some things worked against me today. Guadalupe got a huge donation of slightly stale Cocoa Crispies, and I found a box on the staff-room table. Now, I am too much of a health nut to put the Cocoa Crispies in a bowl with milk and eat them with a spoon. Because that would be... premeditated somehow. It would be legitimizing the act. Instead, I just pour some into my hand. Several times. And then pour some into a cup, and use the cup to pour them into my mouth. See, that's spontaneous, so the devil made me do it. Or hormones made me do it.

It wasn't a great day today. I'm starting to lose my little burst of strength and happiness. That's not surprising, though: I knew it would fade. I'll slip, but hopefully not all the way to where I was. My proactivity plan has slowed a bit: Girls on the Run doesn't start until the 28th; the work I'm doing on changing my life is waiting on some necessary information that I'm getting tomorrow. Friends, I had; fun, not so much. I only have lousy days at work maybe once a year, but I occasionally have days that are...ho-hum. The evidence:

1. I forgot that my hand lotion is very runny and dripped it all over my keyboard, requiring me to pry some keys off to clean it up.
   
2. June H., one of my most precious tutors, called me to tell me that college is killing her and that she can't volunteer anymore.
   
3. Mel discovered that, when you hold the "shift" key down for 8 seconds, it makes a very amusing noise. It also really fucks up all of the "shift" functionality. All I can say is, better her computer than mine...
   
4. Raichle took the night off work so she could head to Lava for a long weekend. I loooooove Lava; and I ache all over. My butt hurts from my ill-considered hockey stop last night. The rest of me aches from the weights routine I did yesterday. There is nothing I would love more than to go check in to the lava Hot Springs Inn and have a good long soak. No, wait! First, I want to go to the Wagon Wheel and have a double Jack Daniels with the bikers; THEN I want a good long soak.
   
5. My keyboard tray remains loose despite my many tightenings. I stabilize it with my knee, which I get to proper level by resting one foot on top of the other. Which also makes me want to go to Lava for a soak.
   
6. Gail, my most prickly tutor, was especially prickly today.
   
7. I gave away my pencil holder with the small holes in it. The holes were perfect for holding all of my many keys in a way that I could find the one I wanted at a glance. Now they are rattling around in a dice cup again, and I have to pour them all out on the desk to find the one I need. Yahtzee.
   
8. I had be a firm boss today. Our average daily attendance has dropped this month, and I have been noticing teachers sitting in the office doing paper work when I want them to be spending time with their tutors and students. I had to tell them, "Please no hanging out in the office." I don't like to have to tell them. We're professionals.
   
9. I guess I left the garage door open this morning. I remember shutting it, but maybe I bumped the opener as I was putting it down or something. Sara called me at 5:00 and said, "Mom, did you know you left the garage door open?" "I did? I remember closing it! Whoops." "Yeah, Dad is really mad at you. You're going to get yelled at." [I exhale.] "Was anything stolen from the garage?" "No, but Dad says it's more by luck than by judgement. And he says anyone could force the laundry room door and get in the house that way, too. He says to tell you we're lucky we didn't get robbed blind!"

Oh, yuck. Let's see.... Go home and get a scolding? Or stay here at the office and write in my blog?

Today's Piss List

1. One of my students is trying to blackmail me to the tune of $1,800. [Un]fortunately, because of language barriers, I can't figure out why or how.

2. I am suffering from acute PMS, which, combined with the easy availability of Halloween candy is causing a serious lapse in discipline.

3. A particular big-name stakeholder has changed the criteria for funding this year. And although I sat on a conference call today and listened to the stakeholder's 45-minute explanation, I still do not understand what the hell they want. Neither do they.

4. My hair has been sticking straight out behind my right ear from four days, and will not lie down.

5. I had to go to Nathan's parent/teacher conference at 8 AM this morning. I am not able to create complete sentences until about 8:30.

6. My program has almost no materials budget for this year. That is why Ray's computer needs a new hard drive; why the CD player is broken; why the shipping for the new text books was much more expensive than I thought it would be; why the printer needs a new "Maintenance Kit", whatever the hell that is.

7. All attempts to scale Mount Paperwork have been foiled by one fire on the mountain after another, all of which need to be stomped out before any more progress can be made.

8. My summer clothes are still hanging in the closet. My winter clothes are still in trash bags up on the closet shelf. I wear the same pair of pants over and over rather than take the time to get out my warm clothes. I am in denial.

9. I hate my house - it's ugly. And my street- it's noisy. And my fingers - they are bony. And my hormones, which are the cause of all the trouble. I'm going to bed.

Reno: 550 Miles

I'm home again, and I was so grateful to find myself driving down the Wasatch Front that I almost cried. I couldn't really cry, of course, 'cause I was driving that big-ass truck and I needed to keep my eyes on the road. I allowed them to prickle a little.

Guess what? All the usual bullshit of my personal American cul-de-sac hell was waiting for me, right where I had left it. Simon bought a big-screen TV with Blue-Ray (and no, I didn't want a TV - he went and bought it anyway) and now he can't get it configured to our wireless. This resulted in a ranting spouse who wonders why he can't ever get anything to work, EVER. I make soothing noises and help him pore over the instruction manual, all the time thinking, I rushed home for this!?

Since it is Presidents' Day weekend, Simon is busy and stressed. He managed to get off work a little early today, though, so we could take the moving van to its drop-off point. I called a couple of times to check on their hours, but got no answer. Finally, I called Budget HQ and asked about the designated location. Were they open? No problem, said the nice lady. Even if they aren't, you can leave the truck, put the key in the drop-box and they'll take it from there.

So, smack me when we arrived at the drop-off point to find that it is no longer in business. Boarded up. Rusty chain across the driveway. I thought Budget HQ might like to know. So I told them. While parked awkwardly in the adjacent forecourt of a used car dealer. Much to the amusement of the salesmen, who gathered at the front window to watch me give that nice lady hell. I'm afraid I didn't hold back. "No worries," she says, "I'll find you another place to drop it off." I don't want another drop off point. I want to be finished with this and go to Baskin Robbins before it closes to pick up Nate's birthday cake for tonight. After a few minutes on hold, she is back to tell me that all of the other Budget drop-off points in Salt Lake are closed for the day (it was 3:30 PM), so I would need to make the 70-mile round-trip to Budget in American Fork.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Not. I told her that she was going to extend my drop-off deadline. She isn't able to do that. She is very sorry, but solving problems is not in her job description. And I can't talk to a supervisor because there isn't one. She sngle-handedly runs Budget truck rentals out of a trailer in Paducah, Kentucky. She doesn't, really; but I asked her if she did.

The truck is due back at 8 AM on Monday, and of course nothing will be open tomorrow. So there's no way I can get it back on time; first, I have to call around and find a Budget place that will accept the vehicle before I can take it anywhere. Screw it if it is a few hours late. They won't be able to add charges to the account, 'cause as soon as we got home, Simon cancelled the credit card.

I've been home for 24 hours,and I need to get outta here. Reno is sounding good to me right now. Anyone need anything hauled? I've got a truck...

Pissy. Stay Outta My Way.

I am not in a good mood. I realize that being grumpy in light of crises around the world is selfish. I realize that I am capable of feeding and sheltering many Haitians at this moment, and I should be grateful for the bounty of my life. But I don't give a rat's. So there. I am petulant, I know. I also realize that, based on the calendar, this is probably PMS. That just makes me pissier.I am sick and tired of Simon's righteous smirk when he checks my planner and sees that he can attribute my mood to hormones instead of to the fact that he is a schoob.

The list:

1. I'm sick of being on this diet. I want to eat chocolate-swirl banana bread until I'm tired of eating it. I want a Scotch on the rocks after work. One more week until it's over. I weighed in this morning. So, in the first week, I went from 129 to 126. Week Two, I went from 126 to 123. Yay me! Today, I again weighed 126. Furthermore, I am tried of people telling me that I shouldn't be bummed out about it, cuz I'm already slim. These people have (thankfully) never grabbed a handful of my butt, lifted up and dropped it. The jiggling goes on for two solid minutes.

2. I am sick of being cold. I can feel the goose flesh on my shins fighting against the stretchy knit of my socks as I write this. I have boiled the electric kettle simply so I can sit here with it cuddled in my lap. My thighs are burning in fact, and my hair is damp with steam; but the rest of me is frozen. The thermostat in here reads 68. I am wearing three sweaters. I want summer.

3. I am sick of Simon. His holey socks; the way he always tucks in his shirts and buttons them way up; the way he informs me that the coupon I used at the supermarket didn't register on the receipt. Can I trade him in for a cyborg? More emotional range...

4. I am sick of queries. The minute I walk in, three voices go, "Mooooom?????" Actually, two voices go, "Mooooooom?" and the other one goes, "Kaaaaaaate?????"

5. I am sick of work. Why not just lay me down in the middle of the office floor and entomb me in a massive burial mound of paperwork? Get it set up and tell me there is a cask of Amontillado in there. Starved for alcohol, I crawl in, then you pull the tiny scrap that brings it all own on my head.

5. I am sick of being here instead of in Wisconsin with my parents.

6. On the other hand, I am sick of responsibility. I have come to the realization that while I am gone, there will be a birthday/slumber party for Sara to go to, a Girl Scout event, both children's school Valentine's parties, Nathan's birthday.... So I need to be ready to go with a cake and a present for Nate the day after I get home..a special meal for Valentine's Day the next day...Sara's birthday party the next weekend. WHY did I have my kids five days apart? And believe me, Si will be prostrate with exhaustion when I get home, owing to the rigor of keeping up with meals and homework. Cry me a river.

I'm going to take a hot shower and go to bed, where it's warm.

Allergies and Irritants

I don't suffer from allergies, but Si sure does. Tonight's thunderstorm is blowing a lot of pollen around, I guess. Sniiiiff...sniiiiiff...sniiiiiiff. It is soft but almost rhythmic. I feel a plaintive wail building. I'm stifling the urge to scream, "Blow your g****mn nose!" Annoying creature.

It has been a day filled with minor irritants, magnified by a dose of PMS and the addition of an excruciating 60 ccs to my tissue expander. It was the last "fill", thank God. Dr. Perfect is delighted. "OK! That gets you to 390 ccs!" I know, I know. I can feel every last one of them.

It hasn't been a really horrible day, but I'll be glad to draw a line under it.

1. I'm tired. I was up until 3 AM last night/this morning, doing work stuff that needs to be squared away so I can go on vacation at the end of the week. The alarm clock was merciless this morning.
2. The car spent the weekend at the garage because the "Check Engine" light was on. It is still on.
3. I have called the newspaper three times in the last couple of days, trying to place a vacation hold. The Salt Lake Tribune has one of those sickly sweet cyber-receptionists to answer the phone and invite you to say simple phrases like "vacation hold", "Diggins", "June 4". Now, I enunciate for a living. I'm an ESL teacher, for Pete's sake! So why is it that I get the "clackity-clack" of the pretend person doing pretend data entry on a pretend keyboard, followed by, "I'm sorry. We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please call again later." She does sound truly regretful.
4. Of the six students with whom I need to speak, only two of them still have the phone number they had at the beginning of term.
5. The numbering and outlining functionality on my computer at work is being totally disobedient.
6. My lunch leaked into my tote bag, which now smells powerfully of chili sauce.
7. Why is it that, every day, when I say, "Time to pick up your toys and get ready for bed." I have to listen to the same old s***? "Nathan, I am not picking up those Lincoln Logs. YOU got those out." "I did not, you giant fart-face." "MOM! Nate called me a giant fart-face..."
8. Why is it that Nate waits to go poop until the last...possible...second, resulting in a sprint to the bathroom (squeezing his butt-cheeks together with his hands), skid mark in his undies, skid mark on the toilet seat, annoyed parent?
9. I drove all the way out to Draper and waited 20 minutes to see Dr. Leather-Loafer, to be told that he was at the hospital and wouldn't be back for half-an-hour. Just as I finish scheduling a new appointment and am heading out the door, he comes dashing in as if pursued by the hounds of hell. "Sorry! I'm here! I'm here!" Geeze, he acts as though I was about to take a knife to the receptionist.
10. I have realized that our peas will be perfect for picking and eating at the exact time we leave for England.
11. The nurse was telling me about my second surgery, which is scheduled for July 2. It will be in-patient when I had envisioned a minor, out-patient thing. Of course both sides, instead of the one side. Drains again. And she warned me about the pain. "Remember, we've been stretching the tissue on your left side to accommodate the reconstruction, so it's your right side that is really going to be killing you." Neato. I AM excited to get this surgery over. I can't wait to get The Turtle out of there. But I'm nervous, dreading the return to pain and inactivity, etc...
12. I didn't think to take any Ibuprofen with me to my appointment, so by the time I got home this afternoon, I headed straight to the Hateful Sofa to mean and groan.
13. And finally, I tried a new quick bread recipe tonight (Maple Walnut! Sounds good, huh? It sank a bit in the middle. Kind if a maple walnut dugout canoe . OK, I am really overreacting this time. It is kind of a trough, but just a little. And it is yummy.

How about you out in the Blogospere? Feel like grousing about your day?