Didn't know I was a shepherdess, huh? Where the hell did I put my crook?
I'm working on on the sadness all the time. I have made progress, I think. Yesterday was better. I was really busy; and I had helpful conversations with people. Thank you by the way, local blog-readers; for being concerned, reaching out and checking on me. I have a lot of really nice friends. I am getting drunk with people I don't usually get drunk with! On weeknights.
Today the goal is to get through the day without crying. It's 1:45 PM, and I have managed so far. Several times my throat tightened but I fought it. As Sara likes to say, "Yay, me."
I also managed a regular workout today. On the previous days I had to cut it short because I was just too...lead-limbed.
Next, I have to get my sleep back under control. It's getting ridiculous, even for me.
Then, I must conquer food. The goal is to double the amount of food that I'm eating. That's harder, though, because sadness is like a stomach stapling for me. Food? Nah... Plus, I kinda like the way I look when I'm at my thin end. As long as I don't drop below 112 pounds, I'm good.
First, sleep. Then food.
And through it all, I have GOT to stop the wool gathering. I am lost in thought all the fucking time, and I'm getting mad at myself. I mean, what is so interesting in my head that I need to keep scrolling it all day? Nothing is worth this many reruns. So I went on an active battle plan against it today, and really paid attention to times when I want to slip into a reverie. The Wool Gathering Awareness Initiative. I started staring out the window after breakfast and caught myself. Good for me! While I was tying my running shoes... caught myself and made myself stop. I also resisted while stretching at the gym (Before, I had been doing my hamstrings for, like, 10 minutes while my mind wandered away). If I keep this up, the custodians are going to try to dust me. And I did not succumb while resting between sets in the weight room, either.
I'm struggling more as the day goes on, though. I slipped into thought in the parking lot after arriving at school. I think that part of the blame should be allocated to the nice warm truck though, and the fact that it's cold outside. I was cozy! I was searching for a number in the phone book just now, but kept sliding my finger right over it while I rolled my problems around and around. That's why I'm taking a second for a quick write - I'm rebooting.
I was so focused before, too! Happy Kate was quite the juggler. Well, she'll be back one of these days. Day 8 will be better. Now, off to the distraction of staff meeting, where I will be entertained by the business manager scolding us for improper laminating. Don't ask. But I'll just say, it wasn't me!