I like flying early in the morning. The kids and I leave for Wisconsin at 7:15 AM tomorrow. I've got everything packed except the toothbrushes; I've got "surprises" in my carry-on to keep the kids amused from SLC to Phoenix and from Phoenix to Milwaukee. And Harry Potter. And Uno cards. I can't WAIT to see my mom and dad, whom I haven't seen in about 18 months. I even get to see all three siblings, although not all at the same time nor in the same place. My mom has got it all figured out (she always does...). She called me on Sunday and spent about half an hour talking to me about how we were going to go here and shop there; see this cousin and that in-law. My brother wants me to meet his new girlfriend. My newly married niece wants me to meet her husband. My brother and sister-in-law want to see me, but we need to go to their place in Oshkosh...Round and round it goes. What I wish I could do is:
1. See my old friend John (actually, that's in the works).
2. Go to our cottage near Wautoma to see my aunts and cousins and go swimming (looks likely as well)
But then things start getting sketchier...
3. Go running so as to enjoy the rich oxygen of lower elevation and feel like Wonder Woman.
4. Sleep.
And even less likely...
5. Go to Lake Michigan for a day at the beach.
6. Do some house cleaning for Mom, or better yet, some weeding. I love weeding.
7. Go canoeing with Dad.
8. More sleep.
9. Dig through old pictures and convince my parents that the antique ice-cream freezer would be best off with me after they die. :)
I always imagine myself asking questions, too. Questions I've wanted to ask them for ages, but never get up the nerve. One of these days, they really WILL die, and then I'll never know certain things. Do you ever feel like this? My family is one that lets the past recede into the past. There have been some bad things that have happened, but we don't talk about them. Not the really bad stuff. And I'm OK with that, if that's how Mom and Dad want it. But I do get tempted to bring things up sometimes. A good example: my parents divorced when I was 8, after 20 years of marriage, because my father had an affair and wanted to marry his mistress. After 5 years, he split up from his second wife, and after 8 more years, he persuaded my mom to take him back. That was almost 20 years ago. So they're either coming up on their 20th anniversary...or just had their 50th, depending on how you look at it. What's amusing about this (well, it's all amusing, now that it's over) is that, they never talk about it. And we kids don't either. If anyone asked my parents directly, I'm sure they wouldn't try to hide the fact of their one-time divorce, but we're sort of...smoothing the icing of our family history over THAT hunk of broken cake.
So, sometimes, I imagine myself saying, "Well, Mom, do you realize that I'm the same age now that you were when Dad left?" or what about, "What did he have to tell you to get you to forgive him?" or, "Hey, Dad, would you chalk up the whole divorce thing up to mid-life crisis?"
Oh, boy. Or, maybe I'll leave them alone about it. It's their marriage after all.
I had better get to bed. First, an apology. I want to express sorrow at the fact that I have not been to visit my blog buddies very much in the last week or so. Computer upgrade at work. Yuck. And now I'm going to my parents' house, where there is no computer! OMG. I will see about the public library, though. My hometown is pretty small (pop. 1,360), but the library just might have Internet. If so, I'll try to post and also to be more sociable about visiting. Thanks for your patience, and thanks for coming to read, even though I've been negligent. I'll be good again soon!
10 comments:
Welcome back to Wisconsin!! The weather hasn't been the best, but at least there is NO humidity!
Have a great time with your family!
Kate, you're already gone, and I hope you have a wonderful time. It would be interesting to know the details you are curious about. That your mom had the strenght to forgive is amazing and awe inspiring. So much more important, really, than the details. Also important is the forgivness of you and your siblings. I imagine your parents lives would have been much harder without that. One can never know the glue that binds two people. As much a mystery as the holiest part of any religion!
Oh cool, never been to Wisconsin, but at least it's a chance to see your family.. deep dark secrets...guess some things better left unsaid eh? hard to tell... see ya when ya come back!
Families are hotbeds of deep shit. I was disowned by my mother when I was in my early twenties. She died when I was in my mid thirties without speaking to me again and threatening to disinherit (and we are talking about LOTS of money here) my sister if they talked to me.
The year after my mother died, 2 of my sisters re-connected with me and 10 years after that, my other sister did.
There are whole slews of family pictures that I am not in, wedding, graduations that I didn't attend.
And we never talk about it. Ever.
Isn't it funny how every family has those unspoken "not" secrets...and they always leave a trail of burning questions behind. I've seen books for mothers and fathers that ask them to share themselves by asking questions. Granted, the questions aren't quite as pointed as some of the ones you have, but it could be interesting to give them each one, IF they'll bother to do it.
My daddy received one for Christmas one year, I made him promise to do it, even if he didn't let me read it until after I died, because I wanted to really know him, even the parts of him that weren't really my daddy.
Hope you got to do all your "wants"!
I can't help it. I always ask the questions. It seems simply impossible for me to ignore that big elephant in the room. What I find, though, is that in most cases, people don't mind giving answers. Sometimes it is even cathartic for us both.
Have fun, fun, FUN!
Kate, Have a great trip! I guess this means we'll miss you at book club this week?
Hi Kate
I've been rather pre occupied with work recently so haven't been lurking or posting regularly.
But I hope you are enjoying yourself. Sounds like you will be a busy woman!
As for the 'skeletons in the cupboard' the more I hear, the more I realise how many families have them. My family most definitely included.
Over the years, I have stumbled across two whopping family secrets. To this day one of them has never been discussed with my mother. Even though my mother knows that I know, and I know that she knows that I know!
Going home again is a busy time and sometimes produces ambivalent feelings, doesn't it? Still, we are so bereft if we don't do it on a regular basis. If we can't get to Florida this year, it will be almost two years since I have seen my mother. I hate it. You enjoy your visit, Kate!
Hi Kate,
In answer to your question about HP VII, we aren't nearly as far along as you are. We are at the point where Hermione, Harry, and Ron are sneaking into the ministry to try to obtain the locket from Umbridge. Liv is quaking in her shoes.
She goes back to school full time today. Last week was half days. It was surprisingly hard for both of us...I think there may be a blog in this...
Hope your trip was fun.
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