Five Fine Moments

Here's my new collection: fine moments. You can add to my collection by thinking of five fine moments from your day today and posting them in the "Comments" section.

1. Hail beating on the carport roof at work today made me smile.

2. I did observation and feedback for one of the teachers on our staff today, and was impressed by the quality of her work.

3. One of my colleagues was selling scarves knitted by her mother. I bought one that matched my eyes.

4. There was a little square of dark chocolate mint waiting for me when I got home from work.

5. My son has declared that he plans to be either a professional soccer player or a teller at America First Credit Union when he grows up.

Wife Repellant

You know, if I were aware that eating a huge goddams garlic burger would make me unbearable to be around for 36 hours, would I simply waggle my eyebrows at my partner and take a huge bite?

Jack of All Trades....

My eleven-year-old daughter brought home a letter outlining the annual Fifth Grade Spring Fair. Big misnomer! This is in fact a time when the parents come in and teach a class on anything they choose. Sara is adamant. I can't even get out of it by pleading "conference" or "meeting". There are four different days to choose from. Booger.

The Spring Fair plays to one of my biggest insecurities: [whispered] I am not really good at anything. Well, Simon has a few ideas, but they would get me arrested. Shut up, Simon; I'm serious. I am passable at many things. I can get a tasty, healthy meal on the table. I'm a competent parent. But my real skills? Writing grants. Ooooh! Kids would love that. Teaching people to speak English. Keeping stuff organized. Coordinating volunteers. You see, nothing really translates well to 60 minutes in a fifth grade classroom. Sara is aware of my shortcoming. She has been known to say that, if forced to keep a group of kids entertained, I would probably resort to worksheets. I have dabbled in some things over the years. I was good at belly dancing, but both times I took a class, I got pregnant. Have fun speculating on that. That's a micro-example of the greater issue: having time for oneself after the job, the kids, the spouse, the house, the yard.

The school sent home a list of ideas, based on things other parents had done in the past.

Cooking. Well, shit. 15 people will sign up to do that. It's the creative outlet of last resort, since families have to eat.

Sewing. I have a sewing machine. I used it once to make a bean bag. I have a sneaking feeling that I could be good at sewing, given a little guidance, instruction and TIME. I like to sew. I mean, I like to imagine myself sewing.

Painting, charcoals, cartooning...uh..I make stick figures...

Tole painting. Oh come on.

Hair styles, nails. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

First aid. I can apply a Bandaid. I can remain calm while soliciting help from others...

Hiking and canyon safety. OK, I'm good at that. But how do you teach it without a field trip? Same with other things I excel at, like camping, backpacking, canoeing.

Sports of any kind. I suck at everything except running. If it has a ball in it, I have no aptitude. Skiing, maybe, but in this part of the world, that skill is almost as ubiquitous as cooking.

Music. In a past life, I had a trained voice. Now I sing in the shower.

The list goes on for a while, including some suggestions like: dissection; decorating with fruits; bonsai trees; scrap booking. I have tried scrap booking. I am really, really bad at it. In fact, if my audience were adults, I could do a hilarious parody of scrap booking. This is partly because my scissors skills should have got me held back in Kindergarten, and partly 'cause I'm such a cheapskate. I look at a scrap book page and think, "This paper it so expensive; I should try to get 20 pictures on this page."

SO, I arrive at writing. According to my friend Robert, I am a tolerable writer. There is also drama. I think most teachers of English as a Second Language are frustrated drama queens. My siblings have been calling me one for years. I am toying with impromptu script writing and acting. It would beat the hell out of...

...yoga, training guide dogs, ballroom dance or Dutch oven cookery. I made corn bread in my Dutch oven once. Simon called it the densest matter in the universe.

I wonder if I am exceptional in my mediocrity? What about the other working moms out there? How do you find time to practice and master anything? Is there some trick to this that I don't know? Weigh in with wisdom if you have it.

Pondering Infidelity

Maybe the time has finally come. We've been together for so many years. In the beginning, it was great; and my life has been changed for the better: really, it has. And I have weathered so many changes over time. But for the last six months or so, I find I just can't stomach the...lack of originality! The duck-and-cover attitude in response to the poor economy. No more dreams, no more playfulness, no more...well...fantasy. I need to feed my fire.

But, can I really bring myself to turn my back on the history that we share together? I mean, I have two entire card boxes filled with recipes from Cooking Light. Almost every meal I prepare for my family has come from that magazine.

There have, over the past 10 years, been various "face lifts"; but the latest version drives me crazy. I have spent a lot of time pondering the source this sudden hostility. I think the truth will hit very close to home for my fellow adventure-starved suburban working moms who used to have lives. I need a cooking magazine that plays to my imagination. I used to love the photos of beautiful dinner party tables. The "Travel" section, so I could visualize myself (wearing an outfit from Chico's) in that exotic locale. The "Fit House" section, with the Viking, SubZero, movie-star kitchens. The edgy recipes with wild combinations of ingredients! But now it's all about affordability, speed, simplicity. Because I am a suburban working mom, I appreciate those things...but I already have a bunch of practical, prosaic recipes.

At any rate, I was trying to learn to love the new "reflecting a new reality" version of Cooking Light, until I saw this in the restroom at work, and the seduction began.

Why read "25 Common Kitchen Mistakes" or "New Uses for Everyday Ingredients" when I can read this?

The question is, have I sinned? This is still in the "infatuation" stage. Technically, it isn't adultery until there is penetration. I haven't actually tried a recipe, yet. I know, this rationalization is ugly. Help. I need an intervention. Or a vacation to Turkey.

Yes, I Am the Queen of Technology

'Cuz when I got home and that found Simon had been struggling with the new DVD player for two hours, I changed the batteries in the remote.

Meerkats

Sara's 11th birthday, make-your-own-pizza, chocolate-fondue, Pin-the-Fangs-on-Robert -Pattinson, seven-girls-spending-the-night blowout is OVER! They were pretty good (I only had to remonstrate with them 3 or 4 times), but most of them really were up all night. I am sure of it because the loud thumping of their not-so-little feet shook me out of bed at 5:10 AM.


This is exactly how they looked when I found them all standing stock still in her little brother's room, illuminated only by his night-light. Except the girls were all chewing gum. Imagine meerkats with tiny jaws all chomping in unison. Nathan was oblivious, snoozing away. "What [the hell] are you doing?" "Treasure hunt," said Sara.

Familia Arrias

I am getting pretty concerned about the fate of my Chilean host family, with whom I stayed when visiting Concepcion years ago. They live in Poblacion Pedro Zanartu. Does anyone know where one can search for information neighborhood by neighborhood?