Letter to the Universe

[First, some business. Lurkers who don't comment - I can see you on my traffic widget. I love you and I don't care if you don't comment. Not a problem at all. But my attention has been directed to a possible blog stalker. There is no way to prevent this; but for a little while, I'd like to ask that anyone who comments on my blog as "Anonymous" includes at least a first name. Or a nick-name. Or a city. Or something reassuring. "Anonymous" postings without some sort of name will be deleted. Sorry! I feel bad about it. Hopefully it's no big deal.]

I am handling my sadness a lot better today. The morning was very rough, but I did not give in. And after work, for some reason. I was at a traffic light and all the sudden I felt miserable. My hands dropped right off the wheel like they weighed a ton. I put them back. I suspect I'm not done yet, but I'll take the good days as the respite that they are. They will get more frequent, I hope. Today was a day with no special news, so I'll send one of my letters to the universe.

Dear Dad, Edie, Ronnie, and all the rest of you gone people,

I am sitting here listening to Mana, singing "Tengo Que Volar", bundled as always against the chill in this drafty fucking house. Today I focused on small things - it helps.

I was virtuous at the gym this morning. Ran a little, lifted weights, then ran some more until an hour had elapsed. I'm in week 2 of training for the Salt Lake Half, so I have to pull myself together and be serious. Plus those Girls on the Run kids are going to run me ragged. I have to bring my A-game!

Drum roll! I have found a new floor manager! Mark will be so relieved. Here he is:

This photo was taken right after I said, "One of the main components of this job is to keep me happy." I wonder if we can share clothes.

At the office, I caught up with Silvia and asked her how many people came to the Sex Health talk on Tuesday. It was a great idea: separate talks for men and women, facilitated by the Latino Medical Students' Association. In attendance? Five women. No men. [Pffffffffuuuuh...] Our students are very conservative. Silvia told me that the ladies who attended got a lot out of it - loads of questions answered. There's a lot of interest among young married couples who want to know about birth control, but they're embarrassed. I asked Silvia if we could try again. I'll make the rounds of all the study groups and apply a little persuasion. Then they can say, "I had to go! Bossy told me to."

Saw my little namesake today: already four years old. The Alvarengas have moved out of the area, so I don't see them very often any more. Kate Alvarenga? I'm flattered, but I privately think it sounds really strange. The first and last names don't match. I told her mother, Alba, that really, my name is Katherine. What about Catarina Alvarenga? Nope. Just Kate. Not short for anything. Oh, well. I tried. She had the most robust laugh when she was a baby. We used to set her up in a playpen near her mom and try to get her going. She would unfailingly laugh this huge laugh. We kept wandering back in there all evening to make her do it again. Diane really cracked her up. I think she liked that cloud of curly hair on Diane. Diane, if you read this, do you remember her? So damn cute.

Public Relations Committee meeting today. These have been pretty interesting, because we are re-branding. (And I got fed! One of the board members brought in lunch. Beats Pop Tarts...) No more Guadalupe Schools. It's Guadalupe School: one school, five programs. Riffing off the "hand with five fingers" analogy I like to use. My program is no longer called VIP, either. No more acronyms. We're just calling it Adult Education. Hey, got anything better? Lay it on me. We'll have a new promo video in time for our "friendraising" lunch next month. A new web site. Here's our new logo:

I drew the stem on! It was included in the original mock-up, and I liked it, 'cause it gave me a sense of growth, movement, change.... It got jettisoned, though. Hmph. Do you see that the flower has a petal for each of the five programs? And that the petals are people viewed from above? Each holding a book? Just like the Adult Education study groups. I am enchanted. I was ragging on Vicki about how we need press-on tattoos, and the board chair of the committee loved the idea. We just need to order them. In time for me to wear one for the luncheon? Not on my tummy though.

I was asked to update the Committee on legislative stuff that could be of interest. In all honesty, I have been distracted from immigration issues by news coming out of Educational Appropriations Subcommittee about budget. Proposed cuts this year include total removal of adult education from the budget. I don't apply for state funding 'cause my program is not part of the public school system. BUT. The money I do apply for (federal) is allocated based on a match from the state. No state money, no federal money. Oh, pickle. The scuttlebutt from the feds is that Congress is looking at a 12% cut for the federal money, anyway. We did a letter-writing campaign in class. The students who were able wrote letters to their senators and representative. I pretended that there was anybody in the Utah congressional delegation at the moment who gives a shit about adult education. Hatch used to, believe it or not; but I see that he sold his soul to the Tea Party today. Pandering asshole. I need to get board members to write letters to the lions of state educational funding: Howard (don't-believe-in-second-chances)Stephenson, Chris Buttars...

OH! And SB 138 made it out of committee 4-1. This would rescind that law that requires undocumented people to carry a "Driver Privilege" rather than a driver's license. If this bill is passed, folks without papers won't be able to have any license at all. This is a good idea because...?

What else did I do today? One of my students was having trouble with her bank, so I helped her call them and get it straighten out. Voice activated phone tree. The student was amused watching me say, "CHECKING. CHECKING. NO. CHECKING. FUCK. NO! I mean CHECKING!"

Got a few basic guitar books. Sara wants to learn to play as well, and asked for guitar books for her birthday. We can share them. She called me today to tell me that one of her frienemies had spilled/poured/dumped chocolate milk all over her at lunch and she was SO EMBARRASSED. It looked like she WET HER PANTS! OMG.

We had to go to Justice so she could shop for birthday presents for a bunch of her friends. Is it mean of me to wish that Justin Bieber would turn to anti-matter? Seems like half the school is born in February, including both of my kids. This part of Cottonwood is sort of a ski resort company town. All the February births fuel speculation on how everyone celebrates the end of the season each year.

Sara is gearing up for the Canyon View Etiquette Tea. Asked for a dress. She NEVER wears dresses. This is the kid who colors her hair in hot pink streaks using a pastel crayon. OK, dress it is. Today she asked if she could wear makeup. No. Oh, Mom just a little. No.

She has been hilarious about this tea. Now, I do work with her on her table manners, but she is far from exemplary. The other night, just as I asked her to take her elbows off the table, she picked up her bread and pulled the soft inside out, leaving an "O" of crust behind. Then she took morsels of the soft part, rolled them into balls, dipped them into the butter on her plate and tossed them into her mouth. I pointed out that she was not going to pass muster in this respect, and she solemnly told me that this was the right way to eat bread. Break off small pieces, Mom! Butter each, one at a time. Uh...Hmmm...

OK, off to paint my toes bright blue and concentrate on not being sad. It's turning into a hobby. Whatever works.

Love, Kate