Maxine

I've never met Maxine, unfortunately. She is Simon's main road-trip buddy. Whenever Si calls home while he's traveling, I always ask, "Is Max there?", followed immediately by, "Did you go shopping?"

I don't shop much. If a pair of my shoes falls apart, I will look at the pieces in some surprise and exclaim, "By God, I guess I need a new pair of shoes!", after which I will go and find a pair. Sometimes, Simon will go shopping with me. It's novel - a special occasion. Sometimes, I even wonder if watching me disappear into a changing room and pop out wearing different, unfamiliar outfits is a turn-on for him... Once, I was lured into (the WAY too youthful) "Wet Seal" by a cute skirt and ended up trying some things on while the teenage sales associate assured me that I really WAS within the store's target demographic. The clothes were kind of skimpy - Si loved it. Pretty soon, he was roaming among the racks, picking stuff out and tossing it over the changing room door, calling out, "Try this on!" "Christ, Si! I look like a medieval serving wench!" "Really? Come out! Let's see."

My point is, I don't shop much.

Maxine LOVES to shop. If she and Simon go out to find a restaurant in whatever town they are visiting, she will always find the priciest, most upmarket resort-town boutiques and plead, "Simon, I just want to nip in there for a sec!" He winds up sitting outside the changing room, holding Max's handbag while she tries on one $500 ensemble after another. His eyes glaze over with horror when he tells me about the money she spends. My favorite part is when she suggests they stop to look at jewelery. She'll drop a couple of hundred bucks and then she'll say, "Now. What are you going to pick out for Kate?"

"Huh?"

"Kate. You were planning on getting her a present, weren't you?"

"Uh..."

"Sure you were! "

"Well, the prices here-"

"- are really reasonable, if you know how to shop! Here! Would she like THIS?"

"Ummm...I don't know very much about-"

"Oh, yes! Look at THIS! This is it! She will love this, and it's marked down! Buy her that."

For never having met me, she always gets it right. Thanks for the choker, Max! I love it!