Witless in Seattle

Well, my cousin abruptly left Salt Lake and has returned to her cheating, abusive, meth-head estranged husband in Seattle. She left without telling anyone that she was going (she knew what we would say). My aunt called me from Phoenix last night to tell me. For the record, Cousin, you could have called me and told me. I would have recommended that you not go, but I wouldn't have tried to stop you. I would have told you that you can stay with me again if you decide to come back.

I know that this is often how it goes in these situations. I wish I could say that I was surprised. Aunt is anguished: worried about Cousin's downward spiral. I tried to cheer her up with a wager. We will both guess the date that Cousin will leave Meth Head Asshole and come back to Salt Lake, I told her. The winner buys the loser a present. "Chocolates?", she asks. "Sure, if you like." She rallies a little (As always. Aunt specializes in rallying.) "I'll have a 1 pound box of dark chocolate rum-pots from Cummings Studio. Deal?" "Deal." Now we just need to negotiate the details. Aunt thinks Cousin may be returning in a body bag. I told her the wager didn't cover such contingencies.