Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Friend

It has been ages since I have written a book review! Well, what's THAT all about?! I love doing this, particularly when I hate the book, which lends passion to my voice. I have to give my usual disclaimer, though: this is not a book review by an experienced, talented or articulate reviewer. If you want that, go find a nice, classy book-review blog. If you want some low-class ranting, you have come to the right place.

The Gospel According to Biff is one of the most ridiculous hunks of literary clap-trap I have ever bothered trying to read. The premise is interesting: what about all those years when Christ was growing up? What was he doing? Did he have anything resembling a normal childhood? How did it prepare him for his future role? And this topic is interesting to ponder even if you don't believe that Christ was the Messiah. If you believe he existed and was a social philosopher in his time; if you believe that he created phenomenal social change, then you would be curious. And a lighthearted approach seems like a good fit, since we all know that it's all speculation. Don't look for anything thought provoking in this book, though.

In this rendition, Jesus, unsure of what is expected of him in his future role, decides that the best way to sort that out is to find the three magi and ask them for help. So he travels to Kabul and hangs out with Balthazar. Then, he goes to China and hangs out with Gaspar, who is at this point a Buddhist monk. Then he took offerings of food up the snowy mountainside and bonded with the Abominable Snowman. I slapped the book shut and went to read Madame Bovary. It's just too dumb. I realize that I'm missing the whole interface with Melchior, but who cares?

And the humor is so lacking in real wit and subtlety. Lots of fart humor, camel poop, blow job jokes etc... The author ruins the fun by trying too hard. He'll put a gag in there and then verbally poke you in the ribs, yukking, "Didja get it? Huh? Huh? See, he's farting 'cause he ate a two thousand year old egg! Is that funny or what? Oi, I just kill myself!"

AND...I found two typos.

Final rundown:

Quality Writing: 4. The author is not illiterate; he needs a better editor. And occasionally, he had some lines that were truly pithy. They were all quotes of Lao Tzu, though, so he doesn't get much credit.

Interesting Characters: 3 Jesus is the good cop, and Biff is the tough talking bad cop. Surprised? Neither was I.

Good Plot: 2 It's amazing: how can you can take a tale of travel, adventure, beautiful women, battles, blizzards and demon fights and make it so boring?

Un-put-down-ability: 2. If you can get past the Abominable Snowman, let me know. I'll be impressed with your stamina.

Overall score: 2.75.